Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues finds Ron Burgundy dealing with a new decade (the '80s) in a new city (New York) while trying to launch a comeback at the helm of a new kind of beast (the 24-hour news network).

James Marsden joins the cast as Burgundy's rival, and Kristen Wiig guest stars as Brick's love interest.

The official synopsis follows:

With the 70′s behind him, San Diego’s top rated newsman, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), returns to the news desk in “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.” Also back for more are Ron’s co-anchor and wife, Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate), weather man Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), man on the street Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) and sports guy Champ Kind (David Koechner) – All of whom won’t make it easy to stay classy…while taking New York’s first 24-hour news channel by storm.

Directed by Adam McKay and produced by Judd Apatow, Anchorman 2 is scheduled to open wide December 20.

[H/T: Slashfilm]

When retainer attorneys employed by Big Deals send out scary cease and desist letters to nobodies on behalf of their Super Important clients, it's typically a pro forma matter.

That is to say, they don't expect to hear back.

And they certainly don't expect the Small Fry recipient to lawyer up and send out a takedown letter of his own.

But that's exactly what happened in Jake Freivald v. West Orange.

Freivald, a resident of the northeastern New Jersey township, had been running the practically nonexistent website westorange.info as a place to provide anyone who happens to get lost while looking for porn with a no-frills way of finding information on the place where Thomas Edison once lived.

"It doesn’t look like a site that’s sponsored by West Orange in any way, shape, or form — unless the town hired middle schoolers to create its online presence," writes Staci Zaretsky at Above the Law.

Nevertheless, the township still saw fit to sic its attorney, Richard D. Trenk, on Freivald, claiming his "use of the Township’s name...is likely to cause confustion [sic], mistake or to deceive the public and may be a violation of the Township’s federally protected rights."

Trenk's cease and desist demanded that Freivald shut down his site, and "that you cease all current and future use of the Info Domain, or anything else confusingly similar thereto."

In response, Freivald hired Stephen B. Kaplitt, who in turn responded to Trenk's letter with the following work of art, which will no doubt be submitted to NASA for inclusion in the next Voyager Golden Record:

[H/T: Above the Law, photo via Shutterstock]

During her interview on HuffPost Live yesterday, award-winning alt-gone-mainstream porn star Stoya revealed that her dad isn't the biggest fan of her adult entertainment career.

That part might not be so shocking, but the reason for his displeasure might be.

"My dad is purely just angry that I ruined porn for him," Stoya said. "He says, like, if he goes to, like, RedTube or something, there's always, like, an ad of my Fleshlight that he inevitably runs into. It's like 'ahhhhh! My eyes!'"

For what it's worth, Stoya Destroya is the best-selling toy in the Fleshlight Girls series.

Meanwhile, here's a porn star dad who is uncomfortably comfortable with his daughter's life choices — because he helped her make them:

A photo that took China's Twitter-alike Sina Weibo by storm this week claims to show the country's latest fashion trend: "Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out."

The image has subsequently been reposted all over the web, but besides its rampant popularity, there is nothing else to indicate that this is a real thing, or even that the "photo" is real and not some sort of shop or optical illusion.

But even taking the image at face value, what do the stockings actually accomplish?

At The Daily Telegraph, British comedian and women's life columnist Katy Brand weighs in:

In fact what will happen is that all those nice, feminist men who pride themselves on being above their own cultural conditioning will be buying the drinks, and the old misogynists will leave the ladies alone – the successful suitors will be a pleasantly self-selecting group of males who are intellectual, lentil-eating, gentle and good at listening. The sex will be awful, of course, but it will be ever so respectful.

Back on Sina Weibo, one commenter wonders: "If it has come to this, why not just wear pants?"

[photo via Weibo]

In a month already rife with scandal, the Internet has somehow managed to unearth perhaps the greatest controversy in recorded history: Beloved cereal mascot Cap'n Crunch is not, in actuality, a Captain.

While the Cap'n's uniform displays three stripes, a naval Captain traditionally wears four stripes on his or her cuff.

In other words, the Cap'n is nothing but a lousy Commander.

It wasn't long before CNN unleashed the full force of its on-air talent to get to the bottom of this soggy cereal bowl of lies:

So, is childhood canceled? Not quite.

In response to claims that he's been lying about his rank, potentially making him a criminal and a traitor, Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch took to his official Twitter account to refute the allegations.

.@consumerist All hearsay & misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap'n. #CrunchatizingRumors

— Cap'n Crunch (@RealCapnCrunch) June 17, 2013

"All hearsay & misunderstandings!" the Cap'n told Consumerist. " captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap'n."

He's absolutely right: Being in command of a seafaring vessel automatically entitles one to be addressed as "captain," irrespective of rank.

Also, as one Farker astutely notes, "maybe the ranks of the breakfast cereal navy are different."

Adds another Farker: "I find it more alarming that a naval service would accept a recruit whose eye bulge out beyond the brim of his hat."

[images via Reddit]

Just over a month and a half into her attempt to prove that living on sunlight alone was possible, Breatharian Navenna Shine of Seattle has decided to end her "experiment."

In a long and rambling open letter posted on her blog, Living on Light, the 65-year-old Shine says she had no choice but to call it quits after running out of money to pay her Internet and phone bills, and nearly being kicked out of her temporary trailer home.

She also claims the comments she received after her "spiritual journey" went public proved that the world wasn't ready to learn the Truth.

She writes in her letter:

From the feedback I am getting it is becoming patently clear that most of the world is by no means ready to receive the information I am attempting to produce. Even if it were true that a person can "Live On Light" and I were successful in demonstrating that, I see now that it would be synonymous with giving a loaded shotgun to baby. The vast majority of people would inadvertently shoot themselves with it.

Despite losing 33 pounds in 45 days, developing twitches, claiming to be dizzy, tired, and unable to hold down water, and the simple fact that humans don't possess cholorphyll or chloroplasts and therefore cannot live off of sunlight alone no matter what, Shine says that ending her experiment now means she will never know for sure if what she felt was her body transitioning into "living on light" or merely "slow starvation."

Still, she hopes that her "journey" might inspire other prospective Breatharians by providing them with "that small bit of courage" they need in order to swear off food for good.

It's worth noting that Shine had begun adding the vitamin supplement Emergen-C to her water in recent days, and had even started adding milk to her tea.

"[T]he closing of the phones and internet I see as a simple a message from the Universe that it is time to stop," she concludes. "I am grateful for the lack of funds that made the message easier to listen to and I am grateful for all the support, both positive and negative that has been flooding in."

Oh, and about those negative comments: "The haters, I think when people say something bad about somebody else, they’re really talking about themselves."

Joseph Gibson figured, of all places, he'd get treated with respect at a St. Louis establishment called Friendly's Sports Bar & Grill.

But his Father's Day outing was thoroughly ruined when he received the bill for his meal, only to find he had seemingly been charged for having "fuckin' needy kids."

Gibson says he called in advance to make sure he could bring his young son to Friendly's, despite the restaurant's strict policy of admitting only customers above 21 years of age.

"Normally, we don't let anyone in who's under 21," general manager Denny Domachowski told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. "But the guy said he was with his kid for Father's Day and they were just leaving the (Missouri) Botanical Garden, so I said 'Sure.'"

After ordering a fried chicken dinner for himself, Gibson asked his waitress if she could add an extra chicken leg for his boy.

The meal was pleasant enough, but when it came time to settle the tab, Gibson suddenly noticed an extra item on his bill: "1 FUCKIN NEEDY KIDS."

Domachowski explained that the waitress had made a joke for the kitchen staff's eyes only, and simply forgot to delete it before printing out Gibson's bill.

But the joke excuse didn't sit well with Gibson.

"So customers with children are a joke? This place isn't so friendly," he wrote on Facebook.

Domachowski said he apologized to Gibson twice, and says he "made sure" the waitress understood that what she did was wrong.

But Domachowski also stuck up for the employee, telling CNN she "didn't mean to offend the gentleman and his son," and was "just in a hurry and forgot to take that off."

He added that Gibson was "making a mountain of a mole hill" before acknowledging that he "wouldn't want anyone calling my granddaughter, who is four, that."

[photos via Friendly's, Facebook]

A Zionsville, Indiana, mom thought she was being fairly straightforward when she asked a local baker to decorate her daughter Laura's graduation cake with a "little cap."

Thinking back on it now, Carol Gambrel told Good Morning America she should have realized something wasn't quite right when the clerk responded to her request with a funny look.

"When I went to pick it up at the store, I could not stop laughing," she said, recalling the first time she looked down at Laura's cake to find a cat where a cap should be.

"They tried to wipe off the cat and put on a plastic cap," Laura told Reddit, "but she told them to keep it."

Her whole family agreed: The cake was better this way.

Which is bad news for the cake Laura will be getting after she graduates from grad school, since, as everyone knows, after a cat cake there really is nowhere to go but down.

[photo via imgur]

But instead, co-host Mika Brzezinski and panelists Katty Kay and Brian Shactman preferred to make jokes at Brand's expense, pretend they couldn't understand what he was saying, and refer to him in the third person even though he was sitting right there.

Oh, and at one point, start calling him by a different name.

At about the 5:30 mark, Brand decides he's had enough goofing around and seizes control of the show, demonstrating to the "journalists" how professionals conduct interviews and deliver news.

Of course, Russell Brand being Russell Brand, he would likely be remiss if he didn't at least once during the program call Brzezinski a "shaft grasper" and advise her to "lose the [wedding] ring."

All in all, pretty decent television.

[H/T: Uproxx]

A heartbreaking photo of a second grader with spinal muscular atrophy who was forced to "sit out" his class photo went viral over the weekend, sparking accusations of discrimination directed toward the school photography company Lifetouch Canada Inc.

"I couldn’t comprehend how the photographer could look through the lens and think that this was good composition," Miles Ambridge's mom Anne Belanger told the Toronto Star. "This just boggled the mind."

The New Westminster, British Columbia, native said she refused to show her 7-year-old the photo — "Look at the angle that he was in. He wants to be part of the gang so much," she told The Province — but did post it on Lifetouch's Facebook page to bring the injustice to the company's attention.

"This was not a malicious act," Belanger acknowledged. "I don’t think it was done on purpose. I just don’t think there was any rational thinking behind it."

"For some reason it makes me feel even worse that he’s so happy in the picture," said Miles dad, Don Ambridge. "I think it’s because he’s still innocent...He’s still naive to how other people can treat him."

Following significant "coaxing," Lifetouch finally agreed that the photo was a "mistake," and arranged to have the photo re-shot, this time with Miles sitting on a bench beside his classmates with a caregiver providing him with support off-camera.

Despite the rectification, Herbert Spencer Elementary School said it would no longer be employing the company's services following a number of complaints concerning the photographers' lack of concern.

"We had several comments from teachers who said they just didn’t feel that they had taken the time," said school principal Tracy Fulton.

Lifetouch has yet to issue a public statement concerning the incident.

[family photo via The Province]

Police in Maryland are seeking the public's assistance in tracking down a group of teen criminal masterminds who allegedly stole a Crofton woman's credit card and then proceeded to take incriminating photo booth photos of themselves holding the card.

The unidentified victim reported her card missing to the Anne Arundel County on June 6th, saying she had "misplaced" it while shopping near a local Regal Cinemas.

Reviewing its most recent transactions, investigators found the card had been used to purchase movie tickets at the same theater 24 hours earlier.

After examining surveillance camera footage from the theater, police tied the crime to a group of teenagers who were also recorded using the card to take photos of themselves at a photo booth located in the theater's lobby.

The photos were subsequently retrieved from the booth's hard disk drive and released to the public.

Anyone who can identify the teens involved is being asked to phone Detective Jeff Golas at 410-222-6155.

UPDATE: You can stop calling: Anne Arundel County police say they've been able to identify the teens in the photos thanks to a "quick response" for the community.

Hooray! That's four dumb teens off the streets, infinity more to go.

[photos via Anne Arundel County Police Department]

Why today of all days? Because this shiftless individual is the Monday morning of air-freight handlers.

Writes Mark Bridgman, the man who witnessed and recorded this awe-inspiring stretch of carelessness:

This was amazing to watch. I think I was the only one noticing what was happening outside the window of the plane, and this time I captured it. On a previous occasion I saw a load of Japanese sewing machines with 'this way up' and 'fragile, handle with care' stickers over the boxes also being thrown on to the conveyor.

Great. Not only have we lost all our jobs to China, but now we've lost half-assing the job as well. We are well and truly screwed.

[H/T: The Daily Dot]

As far as yearbook typos go, we've certainly seen worse.

What makes this one noteworthy is the distinct possibility that it's not a typo at all.

That is to say, either this young lady is casually boasting about her conquests among the school's staff members, or some snot-nosed punk yearbook editor intentionally dropped the D from her quote for giggles.

Either way, high school sucks.

[H/T: Reddit]

"Is this an invasion of privacy, or necessary to keep our country safe, why or why not?" asked judge (and Just Shoot Me! star) Wendie Malick.

While McCord's familiarity with the works of George Orwell remains unclear, she still managed to deliver a beautifully Orwellian response to her question:

I think the society that we live in today, it's sad that if go to the movie, or to the airport, or even to the mall that we have to worry about our safety, so I would rather someone track my telephone messages and feel safe wherever I go than feel like they're, um, encroaching on my privacy.

In McCord's defense, her incoherent doublespeak is practically a MacArthur Genius Grant essay compared to the responses of others.

[H/T: Fark, video via YouTube]

In all seriousness, I think it's high time service industry workers start receiving hazard pay.

The US Department of Labor defines work that warrants hazard pay as "duty that causes extreme physical discomfort and distress which is not adequately alleviated by protective devices."

That flimsy drive-thru window is clearly not adequately alleviating the physical discomfort and distress caused by customers who flip out over a cheeseburger.

Fast food for thought.

[H/T: Guyism]

Fans of Dave Chappelle will no longer need to wait by their iPhone's Twitter app for the chance to catch the elusive comedian at one of his instantly legendary impromptu shows.

Funny or Die announced this morning that Chappelle, who has been infamously difficult to track down since he abruptly left his widely acclaimed Comedy Central show in 2005, will headline the website's first (annual?) Oddball Comedy & Curiosity Festival.

Kicking off in Austin, Texas, on August 23rd, the tour will go coast-to-coast over the following five weekends.

Other performers scheduled to appear on Oddball's two stages include Flight of the Conchords (the co-headliners), Demetri Martin, Hannibal Buress, John Mulaney, and Kristen Schall.

"Street performers, vendors, psychics, freaks," and other sideshows will also be part of the 13-city tour.

Ticket will go on sale this Friday, June 21st, via Live Nation.

Meanwhile, Chappelle was last spotted "tightening" his material across the South, and seemingly preparing his fans for his next abrupt disappearance by informing the crowd, "I didn’t want to do comedy."

[screengrab via Funny or Die]

Friends-from-practically-birth Malcolm Brickhouse and Jarad Dawkins formed their first metal band Tears of Blood in 2007, when they were both five years old.

Now in the 6th grade, the Flatbush, Brooklyn duo have been joined by "childhood friend" Alec Atkins on bass to unleash Unlocking the Truth on unsuspecting New Yorkers who don't expect 12-year-olds to rock this hard.

Despite their success both online and off, the band members still suffer the daily taunts of classmates who bully them about their taste in music and personal style.

"I know a lot of people doubt me," Malcolm tells The Avant/Garde Diaries. "But then I really don't listen to those people, because I know I'm going to be famous anyway."

And besides, Jarad knows exactly what will become of the haters: "Now I'm writing a book. The book is about people who are being bullied in school and they joined a band, and they have became rich and famous, and they toured all over the world. And people that judged them, they have became homeless. And it's, like, based on a true story."

[H/T: Reddit]

When Jayden Sink's dad Jon told her about the Westboro Baptist Church and their holy war on civility, she felt she had to do something to counter their hateful worldview.

And what better way to do that than with a lemonade stand dedicated to spreading peace and love.

Jon, founder of the Kansas City art collective FRESHCASSETTE, called up Equality House, a rainbow-colored residence located across the street from the WBC's headquarters in Topeka, and arranged for Jayden to set up her "Pink Lemonade Stand for Peace" in the one place the hate-mongering church would be unable to ignore it.

Soon enough, people were showing up from far and wide to purchase a $1 cup of sweet protest juice, and the WBC suddenly found itself on the other side of the fence.

The Huffington Post's Cavan Sieczkowski reports:

During the day, Westboro sent representatives outside to try and find a way to stop the event. They apparently attempted to call the local police and stooped to yelling profanities when that didn't work, like calling a group of soldiers who rode out on their motorcycles to support the event 'bastards.'

But hate proved no match for love, and Jayden kept on selling her peaceful lemonade — 400 cups in all.

Meanwhile, a companion fundraiser being held online received nearly $10,000 in donations, all of which will go to support Planting Peace — the goodwill charity behind Equality House.

"As we all know, the Westboro Baptist Church puts a lot of hate into the world," Planting Peace co-founder Aaron Jackson told the Huffington Post in an email. "Since we cannot stop them, the next best thing is to smother it with love. That is what 5-year-old Jayden accomplished today!"

[photos via Facebook]

Reports surfaced over the weekend of a recent public altercation between TV chef Nigella Lawson and her ad mogul/art collector husband Charles Saatchi, and now Scotland Yard is said to be investigating whether there was a violent physical component to the incident.

Photos published in the UK's Sunday People appear to show Saatchi's hand around Lawson's neck as the two sit outside Scott's, a popular seafood restaurant in central London frequented by the couple of nine years.

The two had been celebrating Saatchi's 70th birthday when Saatchi suddenly leaned in and "grasped" Lawson's neck, according to witnesses who spoke with the paper.

"I have no doubt she was scared," said one bystander. "It was horrific, really. She was very tearful and was constantly dabbing her eyes. Nigella was very, very upset. She had a real look of fear on her face."

During the alleged row, Saatchi reportedly held Lawson's neck in a threatening manner at least four times, and pinched her nose.

Witnesses said they could hear Lawson speak in a "trembling voice," and saw her attempt to calm Saatchi down by holding his hand and kissing his cheek.

The two then left the restaurant separately.

Breaking his silence this morning, Saatchi told the London Evening Standard that he and his wife had indeed had "an intense debate about the children," but that he had merely grabbed Lawson's neck repeatedly to "emphasize a point."

He continued:

There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt.

We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled.

"Inquiries are in hand to establish the facts in order to assess whether an investigation is necessary," said the Scotland Yard in a statement.

"A man reportedly grasps a woman’s neck 4 times in public & no one intervenes, incl. photographer who took photos," tweeted Labour MP Luciana Berger.

A spokesman for Lawson confirmed yesterday that Lawson had left the family home with her children in the aftermath of the incident, which took place June 9th.

In a 2007 interview, Lawson called Saatchi "an exploder," adding, "I'll go quiet when he explodes, and then I am a nest of horrible festeringness."

[image via Sunday People via Eater]

Two weeks ago the Internet came up with what seemed at the time like an airtight Mad Men conspiracy theory: Megan Draper was Sharon Tate, and just like Tate, Draper too was going to die.

[Spoilers below]

Well, as it turns out, the Internet had this one all wrong. Crazy, right?

The LA Times' was in attendance for a round table with Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner, and decided to get the skinny on the theory straight from the Showrunner's mouth:

Yes, Sharon Tate wore that T-shirt, but that was just my costume designer Janie Bryant and I solving an argument. Women's T-shirts had not come into fashion. I always wanted Megan in a Disneyland T-shirt and Janie kept saying, 'They're not around yet.' So I said, 'There's got to be a women's T-shirt,' and Janie brought [the photo of Tate] in and asked, 'Is this OK?' And I said, 'Yes. I want that exact T-shirt.' Little did I know ...

Weiner goes a step further, guaranteeing that not only is Jessica Pare's job safe for the time being, but that, at least as far as this season is concerned, "no one’s going to die."

Maybe that's because... they're already dead.

[image via Uproxx]

Following in the footsteps of previous oronymic efforts such as "Big Gas Savings" and "Ship My Pants," the "Kmart Knickers" ad plays on the phonic similarities between the word "knickers" and the word "niggers."

Kmart's social media handlers have spent the last day or so insisting this is not one of their ads, and the company does not endorse "this type of content."

Though the spot goes out of its way to seem like an authentic Kmart ad, it actually appears to be the handiwork of the California-based comedy group The Gunfordmay.

The so-called "parody ad" is both patently unfunny and trademark infringing, but worst of all, it is clearly an unabashed rip-off of a Sarah Silverman skit posted on YouTube just a few months ago:

[H/T: BuzzFeed]

The Texas psychic responsible for giving local law enforcement officials a bogus tip on a mass grave at the home of a Liberty County couple will need to pay $7 million for the damage she caused the two.

Presley "Rhonda" Gridley, known professionally as Angel, famously "tipped off" the Liberty County Sheriff's Office back in 2011 to the existence of a mass grave containing the dismembered bodies of 25 to 30 individuals including children on the property of truck drivers Joe Bankson and Gena Charlton.

Bankston and Charlton initially sued several media outlets, including The New York Times and CNN, for spreading made up information about them that has had long-term effects, and has even cost them several friends.

Those lawsuits were subsequently dismissed thanks to a Texas law prohibiting lawsuits against organizations for distributing information concerning "matters of public concern."

Another lawsuit against the Sheriff's Office for unreasonable search and seizure was also dismissed, even though Bankson and Charlton claimed the authorities barged into their residence without just cause while they were away, leaving behind "broken dishes, overturned furniture and animal urine and feces."

The last remaining lawsuit, against Gridley, concluded last month after the defendant failed to show up to court.

Judge Carl Ginsberg ultimately ordered her to pay the plaintiffs a combined sum of $6.85 million, though it remains unclear how the couple intends to collect the money.

Gridley told the Houston Chronicle in 2011 that visions she shared with two of her psychic friends of children in trouble prompted her to call the cops.

Finding a good parking spot in one of the country's most congested cities is commonly known to be ridiculous. But this ridiculous?

Apparently: A Boston woman won a contentious bidding war against her affluent Back Bay neighbors to purchase two "primo" parking spots in what the Boston Globe calls "one of the most parking unfriendly sections of the city."

The tandem spots were seized by the IRS from a man who owed $600,000 in back taxes, and sold at an auction yesterday to Commonwealth Ave. resident Lisa Blumenthal.

Though the asking price for the spots was a "measly" $42,000, the Globe's Katie Johnston says bidding entered six-figure territory in seconds and ended up at over half a million dollars some 15 minutes later.

For the sake of perspective, the median price for a single-family home in the Boston Metro area is around $320,000.

"It was a little more heated than I thought it would have been," said Blumenthal, who owned a single-family home valued at over $5.8 million.

She told the Globe she already has a place to park but plans to use the extra parking spaces "for guests and workers."

For the record, the most ever paid for a single parking spot remains $300,000 for another slice of Commonwealth Ave. asphalt back in 2009.

[screengrab via NECN]

A large quantity of marijuana was found inside a residence in Leicester, England, thanks to the incessant farting of a police officer who had recently started a high-protein diet.

The gassy policeman had apparently gone on the diet after taking up body building.

According to the a report in the Police Federation's magazine quoted in the UK's Metro, the flatulent cop had released so much noxious gas into the squad car that his fellow officers had to crack open a window to get away from the smell.

"They asked their colleague in the back what he had been eating, and after fits of giggles and denials, they realised the cannabis smell was in the air in the street outside," the report stated.

Ssuspicious, the cops exited the vehicle and proceeded on foot towards a house down the street.

"Imagine the surprise on the faces of the occupants of the house further along the road when the officers, following their noses, found a cannabis factory with a crop worth £12,000 [$18784]," the magazine continued.

The officers confiscated the pot and arrested seven individuals.

[H/T: MSN Now, photos via Leicester Police, Shutterstock]